So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
