I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
