be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
