I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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