He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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