I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize