is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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