Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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