Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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