Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
