I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
