Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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