Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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