This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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