yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
