I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
