Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
