I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
