Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Even my vagina gasped.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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