just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
