Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Your dad touched me again.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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