just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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