Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
