Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
