Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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