He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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