you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
