Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
