do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
