I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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