I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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