There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
