Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
