nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
