Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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