At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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