you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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