Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
