I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
