did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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