She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
