Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We need a shit load of segways right now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
