I'm really into asian looking animals
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
