I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
