those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My dick has a subreddit
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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