She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
