My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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