Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
