Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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