worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
