so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
