The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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