She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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