She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
