You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
