Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize