His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
