I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
