I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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