when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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