Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
