Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
