Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
