i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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