This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media