I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."