Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
