PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"