Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
