tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
