i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
