where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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