The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
