A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
