So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
