Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
