Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
