Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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