The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
