It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
