in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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