listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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