Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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