Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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