Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
