i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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