you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
