and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
